Either Way Its Okay...You Wake Up With Yourself

This week I did something unthinkable for me. I sent emails to two different friends, to tell them I could no longer contribute to their websites.


I politely and graciously "resigned".

I had to keep the emails short. They were painful. These women have become my friends and not only did it make me feel like a failure, like I couldn't handle it all, but I also felt like I was letting them down, and that made me sad.


Everything came to a head a few weeks ago while I was reading "Carry On Warrior" by Glennon Doyle Melton. The book is full of stories from Momastery.com. About half way through I had this overwhelming feeling that it was time to stop hiding and be more honest with myself. Honest about what I can and cannot do. Honest about what I want to do, and honest about who I want to be. The book is amazing that way. I realized what I already knew. Being a wife and mother is hard, and that is okay. Admitting it is hard doesn't make me less or worse.

I have been struggling with this turmoil inside for a while now and didn't even know it. An unsettled feeling that was trying to tell me to get back to basics and actually live. Live side by side my children and love each and every moment. That is what I want. I want to laugh more and play more and be silly more. I want to rush less and worry less and stress less. I want to put my whole heart into the few things that matter most, instead of putting a little heart into lots of things that don't matter.

What really pushed me over the edge was Billy Joel. Yep, Billy himself. You see, I am a huge Billy Joel fan. Always have been. My husband, not so much. So while he was gone I put in "The Best of Billy Joel" and turned up the volume. I have lots of favorite songs, but up there at the top of the list is "My life". I was signing, signing loud when it hit me. Maybe you know the song.

They will tell you, you can't sleep alone in a strange place
They they'll tell you, you can't sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay you wake up with yourself. 

Yes, thanks to Billy Joel it all clicked.

Either way it's okay you wake up with yourself.

You see no matter what anyone else says or does or believes, I wake up with myself every day. I have to be happy with me, content with me, and honest with myself. And I have to accept that that is enough. And it is. When I open my eyes each morning, I have to feel good about who I am, because either way it's okay, I wake up with myself.

And for me right now, I am someone who needs to cut back and accept all I give. For it is enough even if it isn't everything.

So I "resigned" from a few positions. And you know what, my friends understood. They were supportive and wonderful.

And then I "re-hired" myself. To the most important position I have ever been blessed with. Being married to my husband and mother to our children.

This doesn't mean that I can't have any other interests. For example I feel strongly about getting back to Family Volley. And I am passionate about the LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER Show that I am producing and directing. But those things still feel right. The other obligations, not so much.

Thanks Momastery.com. And thanks Billy Joel. Thanks for giving me courage to do what needs to be done. Thanks for helping me feel better about "...waking up with myself."

Do you ever feel guilty saying "No"?

Do you feel like you have to do it all?

Who likes Billy Joel?