This is the Week!

Guess what we are doing this week?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY- Penny in a Pinch!

 Penny in a Pinch

Prepare to laugh. 

All you need to play this game is...

Some Pennies

A Wide Mouth Jar

***How to Play***

Two players at a time, start at opposite sides of the jar. About 10 feet away.

On GO, each player walks to the jar with their PENNY BETWEEN THEIR KNEES and tries to drop it inside the jar.

If the penny is dropped that player has to go back to their start line and start again. 

The first to get their penny in the jar wins. 

You can have one winner for each pair, or keep playing winners against each other until there is just one winner left. 

You can also set a time limit and see how many pennies each person can get in the jar in the set amount of time. 

If you have a lot of people playing, turn it into a relay race. The team to get all their pennies in the jar first, wins. 

For young children, forgo the knees and just have them run to the jar and try to drop the penny in from shoulder height, arm outstretched. 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?

WE HAVE LOTS OF PREPARATIONS TO MAKE. NEXT WEEK IS A BIG WEEK FOR OUR FAMILY. I WILL FILL YOU IN IN A FEW. 

STOP the Backtalk!

"No"

"Your not the boss of me"

"Do it yourself"

Any of this sound familiar?

It doesn't matter our children's age, toddlers to teenagers. Backtalk is a parent's nightmare.

So what can we do to make this most frustrating of problems stop.

First, we need to understand why kids talk back. If we can understand why our kids are acting the way they are, we can better understand what we need to do to help.
Some of the most common reasons for back talk are...

• Kids are looking to have control over their lives. As parents, if we are always demanding, and constantly ordering our kids around, we take away their personal power and independence. They talk back to try and regain some of that control.

• Kids test our limits. They are looking to get a reaction out of us. They are exerting power and looking to see how we will respond.

• Kids feel helpless, SO, the only way they feel they can fight back, is by talking back. They know they are dependent on us as parents and that we make the rules. The helpless feeling leads them to try to negotiate, talk back, argue, slam doors, roll their eyes and stomp off. 

• Kids are trying to exert their independence. It doesn't matter our children's age, they are always seeking independence. 

It is vital to understand the why, but what can we do after that?

Look at our own actions

We need to reevaluate how we are talking to, and treating our children. Are our words and tone of voice bossy and demanding? Do we give orders to our children? 

We are quick to point the finger at our children, but very often, we are the ones setting the bad example and encouraging the back talking. 

Do we Back talk?

Most often, yes. When our children talk back, do we respond by doing the same? Do responses such as "How dare you talk to me that way!", or "You will do it because I said so!" come out of our mouths? These type of reactions only make the problem worse and perpetuate the back talk. Our responses teach our children how to back talk. And we wonder where they learn these things? 

It is not about winning the conversation or fight, it is about recognizing that our children are looking for more control over their lives, and we need to find a way to give them more power, but keep them within the boundaries we have set in our home. 

Let the children choose

No one likes to be told what to do all the time. Put yourself in your child's shoes. They are told when to sleep, when and what to eat, what to wear, how long they can play...etc...Their lives are filled with other people telling them exactly what they can and can not do. If someone did that to us, we would talk back too. 

Children need to feel like they are making some of their own choices. Plus, they are more likely to behave when they have made their own choices. They feel ownership because they got to choose. For small children this means they get to choose between the blue shirt or the green one. Or they get to choose if they want to read the bedtime story before they brush their teeth or after. Keep the choices reasonable and within their abilities (by age and development.) Remember, this works for things as difficult as talking back about dinner and vegetables. 

Give them enough attention

All kids need attention. Some need more than others. And every child needs to be given attention in different ways. Our son feels adequate attention when we listen to him. Our daughter on the other hand, she feels adequate attention when we play with her. If our kids don't get enough positive attention, they will work to get negative attention. To them it is still attention. And, negative attention is better than no attention at all. 

So... we need to put down the laundry and the computer and anything else that is in the way and give them more attention. Even 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted attention each day (per child) is usually enough to make them feel satisfied. Get down on their level and really listen, really be involved. When our kids feel they are getting enough attention, they will be much less likely to act out and will be more cooperative. What parent doesn't want that?!

Make things clear

It is important that the rules, and consequences for breaking rules, are clear in our homes. We also need to make sure that the consequences are enforced when rules are broken. If kids do break the rules, WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH EVERY TIME. We don't have to be mean, but we do have to be fair and consistent. Not setting clear rules and consequences first, will confuse kids when they get in trouble for something the didn't know was wrong. When kids get confused they will talk back and fight back.

Don't overreact

Our kids talk back to get a response out of us. When we get upset and respond by "talking back to them", they have the power. Instead, we need to stay calm, and explain what will happen next. 

"I feel disrespected when you talk to me that way. I am going to leave now. I will be happy to talk to you when you are ready to use a kind voice and respectful words."

Then, really walk away. 

The next time your child talks back, don't explain yourself again, you have already done that. Simply stay calm, don't show emotion, and walk away. Your kids will quickly come to understand that you have no intention of participating in that kind of behavior.  

Kids are going to push our buttons and try to see what they can get away with. This is not behavior that we want to let go. It will take extra energy and effort on our part, but it will be worth it. 

DO YOUR KIDS TALK BACK?

IS IT HARD FOR YOU TO ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES?

Guest Post - What is True For You?

Today's guest post is from Kimber Nelson, a certified Life Coach and Family Volley Sponsor.

Kimer challenges us to focus on the positive and evaluate why we "do what we do".

One of the great things about coaching is that I am always learning, and no matter how much I know, there is always value in others perspectives and experiences.
But...here's the thing...there is still no one else who has had your unique life experiences, your support system, your challenges and your strengths.

What I do know is that Coaching provides a safe place to explore and build goals and habits that will create YOUR ideal life. There is no requirement for what the ideal life looks like. Only that you are able to show up as the real YOU, with passion and joy in the every day living.
This is exactly why no one can give you a blueprint on how to get there, but I can absolutely help you find the awareness of what YOUR ideal life looks like and support you in taking action on your journey.

I want to share some ideas on living a more balanced life and reducing the overwhelming and stressful feelings we all deal with.

Focus on the Positive - there is always a tendency to assume that if we expend our energy on "fixing" problems, that once we are "fixed", everything else will fall into place. We end up focusing on the negative in everything, and once you start looking for issues, you are guaranteed to find them!

Here is the fabulous part - the reverse is also true. When you focus on the positive you will find evidence of it everywhere. The more evidence of something you have, the more you end up trusting that it is true and it starts to build. When you see the positive, things that used to need "fixing" feel more like opportunities for adjustment.

Turn "Have to's" into "Want to's" - A great way to focus on the positive is to take some time to discover your values and why you do the things you do. This will turn something from an energy drain into a more supportive place. You might also find that the reason that you do something is because you acquired a "have to" from someone else (like your parents).
If it does not fit into what YOU want in your life, then it may not be worth putting energy or time into anymore.

A great example of this is...Chores around the house.

Ask yourself the following questions.

Why do I want my house kept a certain way?

Is there value to it for me and my family? Is there added tension about chores being done a certain way? Is is worth it?

Was I told along the way that certain things HAD to be done? How true is that for me?

Are there things that I am okay letting go of?

Now, I am not advocating just letting the house disintegrate into piles upon piles. What I am promoting is becoming aware of the "why's". Perhaps your "why" for keeping the house clean is because you get a feeling of serenity when you walk in the door, which is a great motivating "want to".

Take a minute to think about why you do what you do?

How often are we doing things to meet other's expectations? 

Kimber Nelson is certified as a Professional LIfe Coach through the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching and as an ADHD Life Coach. Kimber works with parents, adults teens and college students with ADHD who are looking to live a less stressful, more balanced life. 

Heather is Taking the Night Off!

Heather's Husband here. Today is her birthday and she is being forced to take the night off. She deserves it.

Thanks for understanding,

Billy

Taking Our Stress Out on Our Kids?

As mothers, it seems we are constantly trying to juggle a million responsibilities. With these responsibilities comes stress, a lot of stress. 
Enter children, and before we know it, we are taking all our stress out on them. Isn't it interesting, we often treat strangers and coworkers better than our own family. 


Take a few minutes to figure out what is causing the stress. Are we tired, overwhelmed, money trouble, marriage stress or work stress? Maybe we have just had a long day. Regardless, Stress is going to happen, and we should do all we can to avoid taking it out on our children. They don't understand what we are dealing with and it is not their fault.


On top of that, dumping our stress on our children is not the answer either. We don't need to tell them all our woes. They can't fix it, they don't understand it, and at their age, they don't need to be stressed and worried about grown up problems.


So.. What can we do?


Focus on our children - Don't Multitask
When we have a lot to do, and a lot on our minds, it is easy to think that multitasking is the answer. When we are trying to make dinner, help kids with homework, fold laundry, AND listen to our 5 year old talk about their day, everything else will be more important than what happened at recess. We take our frustrations and stress out on our children because they are making it hard for us to get EVERYTHING ELSE done. The laundry can wait, and so can dinner. Sit down with your child. Give them your undivided attention and focus on their words and their facial expressions. Not only will it bring you closer, but we won't see them as a stress, we will see them as the children we love more than anything. Remember LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E.


Establish a routine
We need to put our families and children on a routine. With a routine, we will know what to expect and so will our children. This will eliminate a lot of stress that comes from the unknown and from struggles with bed time and meal time. Our children will be better behaved when things are predictable. This mean less stress triggers for us as mothers.


Minimize 
Minimize the stuff in our homes. When we have more than we can maintain, even if it is just too many clothes, everything becomes overwhelming and stressful. We will quickly take our stress out on our children. Work to make the spaces in our lives manageable. Give away, throw out, and get rid of. The clutter in our homes and cars becomes overwhelming and makes the other stresses seem even worse. 


Don't Over Schedule
We shouldn't over schedule ourselves or our children. To many things on our family plates will always bring stress. Our kids don't need to be involved in a million extra curricular activities, and we don't have to say yes to every play date and activity. We need to PROTECT our families time. This protection will bring peace and time together. Plus there will be less rushing. Rushing compounds stress.


Have Realistic Expectations
We don't have to be super women. And, we SHOULD NOT COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHER MOMS. We need to be realistic about what we can tackle and undertake. When we start comparing we tend to see everyone else's strengths and our weaknesses. It is never a fair comparison. We should surround ourselves with people and things that are supportive and uplifting. Not things that make us feel inadequate.


Put Ourselves in our Children's Shoes 
As mothers, we need to take a minute to see things from our children's perspectives. Have empathy. Realize they don't mean to upset us. They are young, learning, and inquisitive. They don't know rush, hurry, or quick. If we can take just a second and see things from their eyes, we will not be so quick to take our frustrations out on them. 


See our Children as People
When we are stressed, it is easy to see our children as objects. Objects that are keeping us from what we are trying to do. We are trying to make dinner, or answer the phone, or fold the laundry and their need for help or attention is getting in the way. We need to see them as people. Little people. They have thoughts and hopes and dreams and good days and bad days just like us. It is the laundry that is actually getting in the way of us being with our kids, Right?


Manage our Time
Clique, I know, but vital. Time management is so important to our lives. We do need to stay organized and manage our responsibilities and the time it takes to get things done. 


Plan Ahead
This goes right along with managing our time. Being prepared and planning ahead will help eliminate a lot of our family stress. Make lunches for school the night before, lay out clothes the night before, even set the breakfast table before you go to bed each night. Round up backpacks and school work, shoes and socks before everyone goes to sleep. Make reasonable preparations to eliminate having to rush. Rushing brings stress, especially with children. 


Have a Sense of Humor
Laugh. When you are ready to loose your temper with your children because you are stressed, laugh first. Even if you have to force yourself. You will find it fixes a lot of things. 


Find Time For Yourself 
As mother's we are always taking care of other people. We forget to take care of ourselves. We should pick one or two things we would like to learn or get better at, hobbies or interest, and find time for them. Along with this, we need to eat right, exercise, even if it is just a walk around the block, and get enough sleep. When we are hungry and tired we loose our temper and take our frustrations out on our kids. 


Play together as a Family
We have to find time to recreate and relax together as a family. Life needs to be filled with work and play. When families play together they grow closer, develop stronger relationships, and have more patience for one another. Plus it is a needed diversion from the stress we deal with each day. Find time at least once a week to do something fun together (this doesn't mean it has to cost money).


Stress is part of life. Taking it out on our kids doesn't have to be. 


DO YOU EVER CATCH YOURSELF TAKING YOUR STRESS OUT ON YOUR KIDS?
HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOUR STRESS?

Hello to the SITSahood!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled FAMILY FUN FRIDAY for a very important announcement. 

TODAY IS MY SITS DAY!

Thank you so much for stopping by.

I hope you will take a look around. There is lots to see.

Around here we are helpful, funny, and fantastic. Whether it's parenting, relationships, motherhood, you name it, we chat about it. And, it's all in the name of love. 

You can find great advice for your families under the ADVICE label in the right side bar.

You can find tons of great unique activities for your families, big or small, old or young, under the FAMILY FUN FRIDAY label.

If you have a question about something specific, check the label line up or click here to leave me any questions you would like answered. 

I am so excited to meet all of you. 

Don't forget to say hello. 

Interested in more from Family Volley? Subscribe, Follow, Like, Tweet, or Email. It is all in the right side bar. 

Have a wonderful weekend, and a Happy Mother's Day. 

Thanks for visiting.

Taking Baby Steps

I always get questions from concerned parents who think their children should "already be walking". As parents we really worry about our child's physical development. It is easy to look around and compare our children to other children who are already on the move. Or compare them to their siblings. We have to remember that every child is different. They will develop and decide to move when they are ready. For the most part, we need not worry. Instead, we want to enjoy every little development and stage.
That said, here are some GENERAL GUIDELINES for mobile development. I hope they provide some piece of mind.

Birth to 3 Months
Squirmers
When babies are first born they don't know how to tell their muscles that they want to move around. Although they will move arms and legs, turn their heads when they are laying on their backs, and can bring their hands to their mouths, these are responses to their environment, more than they are deliberate movements and commands. For new little ones to develop more advanced motions, they have to build their core strength. This means they need TUMMY TIME. Tummy time should start as soon as you return from the hospital. Put your baby on his/her belly a few times a day. By 3 months, they should spend about 1 hour a day on their tummies. This time can be broken up into increments. Some babies don't like tummy time. Be sure your baby is awake and has been fed, and if they continue to fight, try putting them across your legs on your lap. That counts also. You will quickly see their strength grow as their raise their little heads and build their stomach muscles.

3 to 5 Months
All about the Head
At this age babies have started to realize they can move their arms and legs. The tummy time has helped them develop their core and they will most likely be holding their heads up or even trying to rest their heads on their forearms now and again. They love attention for their movements and will respond to positive reinforcement. There is increased hand eye coordination and you will probably catch them trying to "swing" at objects that hang above them. During these months, lots of babies will also start to roll. Front to back is always the easiest, and most likely what you will see first. Followed by back to front. You don't want to leave little ones unsupervised because you never know when they will start to roll. You don't want them to fall off the bed or the couch.

5 To 8 Months
Time to Sit Up
About this time, babies are starting to sit up on their own. Especially if you put them in a high chair. When you put them on the floor without back support, they will usually lean forward and use their hands to keep their balance. Between 7 and 8 months, most babies sit unassisted.

These months might also bring the Army Crawl. Using their forearms to drag themselves across the floor. Don't be alarmed to see your little one find their own way of moving. There is no right or wrong way of doing things. Forward, backwards, one armed, it doesn't matter. Give positive reinforcement and praise. The positive things we say will inspire our children to keep learning to move. Be sure you keep small objects out of your babies way, and that electrical outlets etc, are safe from little fingers.

8 To 12 Months
Up On Their Feet
Around 9 months, most children are crawling on their hands an knees. Have you ever heard that a baby should crawl before they walk, or something is wrong with them? Not true. Crawling helps babies become stronger so they can eventually walk, but there are lots of ways for them to become strong. Pulling themselves up to a standing position, standing and walking while holding someones hand, and balancing on their own once they have pulled up. All these things build strength. This age is a great time to invest in a good pull toy. It will help your child's balance and control as they begin to walk on their own. It is also a good time to get down to your child's level and see what they see. Are there any sharp corners that their heads will run into while they are walking?

12 To 15 Months
Always Moving
By this point, most little ones are walking, and trying to climb up onto things. It is a good time to teach them what they should climb on and what they shouldn't. Setting these guidelines early will help make the next few years a lot easier for everyone. It is also a good time to teach kids to hold hands. As silly as this may sound, if you want your child to hold your hand when you cross streets, or go places, teach them young. It will help you avoid the hand holding fights later on. Play lots of new games and activities that let your kids move and groove.

We don't want to compare, or put excess pressure on our children when it comes to mobility. They will get moving, in their own time.

DO YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE STAGE, CRAWLING, WALKING, MOVING LITTLE HEADS?