Time to Stop Beating Ourselves Up

I often find myself working with women who beat themselves up for not being "good enough."

I can relate. There are many times when I can sense the feelings of inadequacy trying to take over and the self doubt creeping in.

I think being a girl (women) can be hard.

We are born into this world with so many gifts and talents, but over time they can become self destructive.

We are naturally team oriented. We want friends and support systems. When taken too far we are so concerned with being a team player that we don't take credit for the great things we do.

We are kind to others, but are we cruel to ourselves?

We are quick to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that means we avoid confrontation.

We are nurturers. But do we get so busy taking care of other's needs that we don't take care of ourselves.

It is not always this way. Research shows that young girls are confident and assertive. It is about the time they hit 8th grade (if not sooner) that they start to loose their sense of worth and efficacy. Young girls are faced with so many challenges. They want to be confident but they can't be conceited and movies, TV and advertising are constantly "telling" them how they should look and act.

It doesn't end with puberty. As mothers and grown women the pressure and stigmas don't go away.

The inadequacy and confusion hit me full force after having our second child. I didn't know who I was. I felt lost for a bit. I didn't have an opinion all of a sudden, and I didn't feel like I could make decisions. It even affected getting dressed in the morning. I didn't know what looked good on me because I didn't know who I was.

As women, we are strong, we are smart, we are influential. There is not room to beat ourselves up because we aren't good enough. Instead we need to celebrate how great we are.

• We can start by taking credit for the good things that we do. We don't need to be arrogant, just confident. We are good mother's and good friends and good wives. We are working hard to do good things in our homes and in our communities. 
• We can't put ourselves down. Reminding ourselves and others that we not "skinny enough", or our house isn't clean enough will not make either happen. Self depreciation is destructive. Not to mention when our kids hear us say these things it affects them and their opinions. This goes for the way we talk about ourselves in front of our spouses also. 

When my husband and I got married I received some GREAT advice. An ecclesiastical leader told me that I didn't need to constantly point out all my faults. He went on to say that most of the time our spouses don't recognize the faults until we point them out. Then they have a hard time forgetting. 

I think about this advice everyday. When I am about to point out something I don't like about myself, I remember to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to give my husband any ideas. :)

If you are always putting yourself down, try a little trick....Put a rubber band on your wrist and every time you say or think something bad about yourself, pull on the rubber band and let it flick you. It won't feel great and you will see yourself cutting back on the "put-downs." 

• We always give others the benefit of the doubt, but not ourselves. She had a rough day, why can't we? We can be quick to accept others situations, why don't we accept that we too have limitations and we are wonderful regardless. It is okay to not bake bread, homeschool, be PTA President, YW President, raise 12 kids, sew all our families clothes, and refinish all our furniture on the side. It is okay. We are all different and we need to cut ourselves some slack. 

We all have internal gauges that tell us if we are doing what we should. We know when we need to do more, or less. Listening to this "voice" and not the "voice" of the world will help us ease up on ourselves. 

• We can surround ourselves with the right support. We know who builds us up and who doesn't. We can distance ourselves from those who don't. 
• We can find some time for ourselves. It is okay to cultivate our gifts and talents. We can pick one or two things that we like/want to do and make time for them. 
• We can recognize that life will be frustrating and hard at times. The joy will come in moments.   

As women we are building and molding future generations. We are strengthening family units. It is our influence that is shaping the world. We can stop beating ourselves up for what we aren't doing and revel in the good things we are doing.

I guess that was on my mind.

DO YOU WORRY ABOUT TEACHING YOUR GIRLS TO BE STRONG? I DO.

Family Volley